not all who wander are lost.
i am currently nomadic, but i’ve never been more grounded in my life.
as i’m days away from approaching my 29th birthday, ive been reflecting on a lot. i am currently 7 days (out of approximately 35) into walking the camino del norte, in northern spain. passing towns, speaking “spanish” in simple words i’ve collected along the way, listening to the sounds of nature, i’ve had a lot of time alone. with my thoughts and emotions. in clarity, without distraction. and on this eclipse, i feel it all bubbling up inside of me.
my heart voice has always been louder than my head voice, to the point that if i don’t listen to it, it literally feels as though i’m energetically walking through mud. i will get ill. i literally cannot not listen to it at this point, and trust me, i’ve resisted many times... which always leads me painfully back on course. at this point, when she speaks, and speaks loudly, i have to listen.
today she is commanding i speak my truth. something i haven’t felt ready to do for a while. i’ve felt safer just keeping my eyes open, listening, and keeping my mouth shut. and in a world where i see so many people shouting with their hands over their ears, ive felt turned off to speaking. but when it flows through the heart, it has to be spoken. so this feels vulnerable. i don’t know where this is going to go, but here i go.
as a child, i would completely lose track of time and place, lost in deep thoughts, questions about life and death and spirit, and creative stories and fantasies that occupied my mind.
i was diagnosed with attention deficit disorder, something health and educational authorities told my parents is a huge obstacle, something that potentially will set me back if not taken care of. to me, a.d.d is a gift of a condition, and only a disorder in the context of a society that is sick, seeing obedience as a virtue and completely devaluing intuition, creativity, and the divine feminine. i was ridiculed and made fun of countless times by peers and adults, actual authority figures, over my so perceived empty-headedness, called stupid and “on the spectrum” - of course i knew none of this was true, and it was coming from a bunch people who need to make fun of others to feel okay inside, but it still hurt me and effected me deeply. but this condition saved me from fully locking into the matrix of negative programming that society is riddled with. of course, i’m still programmed af, but not nearly as much as i would have been had i been a good child, listened to the teacher, and grounded my self-worth in a system based on reward and punishment. i would have probably gone on to get a job that felt safe, socially acceptable, slowly allowed my head voice to dominate and degrade my heart voice, and never question reality with the fire that i always have and still do today.
the truth is, i never had an attention problem, i was simply paying full attention to the things that mattered to my heart and soul, and disregarding that which didn’t authentically matter to me, such as a lot of what was being shoved down all our throats over what is acceptable and what is not. what is “true” and what is not. of course, i still swallowed much of it, but here i am still trying to purge the garbage. and it is because of this condition that my intuition and heart voice is so loud and clear.
when i process the state of the world, i oscillate between terror and excitement. there have been a few nights in the past few months that i’ve woken up in the middle of the night, shaking with chills, and literally purged. in terms of terror, it is terrifying to see what i and so many others, see. humanity being played. manipulated through our biggest fears, ancestral wounds, and deepest insecurities. facing the harsh reality that much of global society is run by dark occult psychopaths, controlling and censoring honest information + free thought, and dividing the masses in a way in which they begin policing each other and virtue signaling. ushering themselves into their own cages and handing over the key to those dark and corrupt leaders, known and unknown. we live in a state in which it’s as if our so called “leaders” are throwing us the scraps and here we are shouting and arguing amongst each other over the specificities of the scraps rather than holding our leadership accountable for their criminal actions and connections.
if you don’t know who jeffrey epstein is (i have chills even writing his name), do your research. look into his so called suicide and his flight logs to his private island. dig deeper. question everything with an open mind. and allow your mind to change and shift.
look at who’s censoring information, who owns the so called “fact checking” companies. who’s funding the “science” behind what you’re seeing. you have been a fed a lie and the biggest virus is that of fear and the eradication of critical thinking. follow the paper trail. everything is in plain site. and everything is connected, like a web.
you don’t have to be a genius to see it, you just have to be willing to have your sense of reality shattered (not easy at all)- but on the other side of it is tremendous personal power if you’re willing to do the work.
source from within. don’t make something true just because someone told you so, just because it’s what you’re seeing on every corner of mainstream media. you know what’s true for you. if you grow the volume of your inner voice, it will tell you when something is not right, even while it’s being shoved down your throat. this is hard work, and goddess knows i’m trying my best. i’m not perfect. nobody is perfect. and nobody has all the answers.
when we live in a society that upholds a reductionist, materialistic approach to reality and views scientism as the new “god”,so divorced from spirit, we cannot hear our own truth. it’s then that we become completely occult illiterate, unable to see the rituals taking place right before our eyes. all magic requires permission and permission is often given through ignorance.
we become unable to critically think and think for ourselves. and unable to hold space for perspectives other than our own in our field. we consume perspective rather than allow it to be born within us. we’re constantly triggered and reactionary, which makes us so easily manipulated.
i come from a place of love. and a place of privilege. i am aware of this and i am grateful for all i have, all i’ve been given, and also, all i’ve worked hard for. i honor those in deep suffering and i hope to become an even better listener than i ever have been.
the ways in which we face the collective’s shadow mirrors how we face our own shadows. it’s scary as fuck. it is terrifying to see clearly and i understand why many very smart and capable people (aka almost everyone) prefer to cover their eyes and only swallow what they’re told to see and think. beyond processing what i am witnessing and effected by, i am processing and working through my own personal fear of rejection.
truth is relative and multidimensional. if you resonate with my truth, great. if you don’t resonate with my truth, great, we can still be friends. i’m not here to convert anyone, i don’t need people to agree with me. i’m here to inspire people to listen to their own authentic inner voice, whatever that may be. ... but if my truth offends and triggers you so much that you simply don’t have the energetic space within yourself for an honest, differing perspective than your own, then good riddance and goddess bless you. i’d be lying if i said i’m not afraid of being ostracized, seen as crazy, berated, or cut out- i am. i am very sensitive. however, the scales have tipped. speaking my truth holds more energetic weight than fear. i am called to speak my truth and i have to listen to my inner guidance despite my deep fears. and at the end of the day, i know who i am, i know what i think and feel (it’s open, expansive, malleable and ever changing) and i believe i am finally grounded and mature enough to know all this without needing everyone else to know it.
😊but also, if you can’t see my light, then you’re blind 💗
i hold a higher vision for society in my heart. one of true sovereignty and freedom. where people unify and actually stand for something. where the diversity of thoughts, perspectives, experiences, and people are celebrated, not used for the agenda of the few and spiritually weak who have consolidated so much power through our ignorance. i hold a vision for a society that is by the people for the people, where real leadership can be born.
and it’s terrifying for me, but if i’m not able to speak my truth, what am i doing sitting back and waiting for a leader who will do it for me? nobody is coming to save us. we are the ones who we’ve been searching for.
and to all you “spiritual” people. if you think love and light is going to passively bypass you out of facing the shadows, please reconsider. and for those of you who think you’re awake (and everyone else is sleeping) because you see the game being played, the work doesn’t end there. go deeper. we all have to go deeper and face ourselves. this is only the beginning.
it is a constant swing of oscillation for me, terror to excitement. but there is an underlying faith. it’s is hard work to find my center and generate that neutral peaceful feeling within, i’m still working on bridging access to this place within the navigation of more challenging moments and emotions. as many parallel realities and probabilities converge and divert, i wish to resonate with the world in which my vision manifests. when i’m feeling down, i hear a deep voice inside me say, i didn’t incarnate here at this time to watch the world degrade, i came here to participate in its transformation into light.
and i am excited about my personal life and path, even as i genuinely fear for the state of the world, i also feel so in flow. so on the right path. i feel guided in every moment... well, most moments. as long as i am inspired into a place of being of service, everything falls into place, but not without the pain, challenges, and lessons of life, of course. as long as humanity is still fertile, babies are still being born and i’ll be continuing this sacred work in the most awesomest of ways come this fall.
cheers. and all my love to you.
felicia.